This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
