She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
