his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize