I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
