her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i love accidental penises.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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