I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
