Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
