we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
