sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
