it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
