her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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