I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
