Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize