i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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