i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize