A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
