apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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