Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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