We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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