trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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