I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
