I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
