I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
