rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
