what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
