I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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