Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
