i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
