my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
