Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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