This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize