I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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