Screwed.edu
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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