I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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