WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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