i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm too high and old for this...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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