dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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