can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
