i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
