if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize