My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
