He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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