Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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