dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
