I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
