Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
