This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
