You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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