I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
