I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
