Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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