Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
