so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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