I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize