btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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