I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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