She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
