Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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