There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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