so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
