Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
