I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
