this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
