Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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