whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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